Harry Potter, A College Boy Abroad
by Perry O'Parsnips
Summary: The gang heads west for some college fun and unexpected adventures and mishaps...
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter: A College Boy Abroad

-1-

Between a Fatty and a Ginge

Harry Potter was used to being in the air. It was where he felt most comfortable. He loved the feel of the wind rushing past him and the dizzying heights. He loved being in the air but this was really too much. These heights were too dizzying and even worse, he wasn't in control. Harry never imagined he would need to get on an aeroplane to get somewhere. Alas, law required that in order to move to America, even to study abroad, he must go through, muggle style.

Harry was cramped between a fatty and a ginger. The ginge (see, he was catching on to that american lingo) was his best friend. Ron was leaning on Harry, moaning and whimpering. The red beard that had taken over the bottom half of his face tickled Harry's neck. Ugh, what had happened to Ron. He'd recently let himself go a bit. He was having trouble getting over the break up. Hermione broke up with him. Twas the night before she was to leave to help poor people or whatever in Africa or something. She and Ron had enjoyed a romantic dinner for two. Ron was having such a wonderful time he hadn't noticed that Hermione wasn't herself. They were back at Hermione's apartment and Ron leaned in to kiss her, hoping this would be _the night_. To his surprise, Hermione pulled away.

"Listen Ron" She sighed and sat down on her pristine couch. She patted the spot next to her and Ron sat down. A sense of dread began to creep over him.

"What's up?" He stared into her eyes, pleading. He'd known this day would come. He knew she was too good for him.

"I want to break up" She mumbled the words as quickly as she could and then hopped up. She turned to see Ron's expression. He said nothing. He just stared at her.

"I think we should break up because… I'm going away for such a long time and I- you might meet someone and I just think that it's better. I think we should see what it's like to be with other people." He still said nothing.

"Ok?" She was getting worried now.

"Ok" She sighed with relief at hearing his voice.

"Of course that doesn't mean we won't be friends! You are still my best friend, Ron. I still love you. I just need to start experiencing life outside of Hogwarts."

With that she helped Ron up and took his face in her hands.

"You are going to be fine. This will be good for both of us. Will you be able to get home by yourself?" Slowly and as if he were in a trance he nodded. She looked at him skeptically and after a moment she decided.

"I'm going to take you home side-along" She passed him off to Harry, hugged and kissed Harry goodbye and that was the last either of them had seen her before she showed up at their apartment two weeks ago. Now, Ron was snoring into Harry's shoulder while Harry watched a stupid American movie on the tiny screen in front of him. Ron was cradling his wand as he slept. Harry had known that their magic wouldn't work until they had gone through customs and he'd told Ron but it didn't matter, Ron had still insisted on holding it since they'd entered the airport.

Where were they headed? Somewhere they'd never imagined going to do something they'd never imagined doing. They were off to college in America.

-2-

The Big Idea

The craziness of… well, life, had made that summer seem boring. They had all imagined that boring would be blissful after what they had gone through but it was just… boring. Ron and Harry had both agreed to join the internship program offered at the Ministry and they spent their days running around with cups of tea, filing paperwork and doing odd jobs for their employers. After she gave Ron the bad news, Hermione had flown away to do "Service Work" in the middle of nowhere in the middle of Africa with some group called the YWPCA or the Young Wizards Peace Corps of America. While she was sleeping in a mosquito netting tent with the trippiest undetectable extension charm EVER, Ron and Harry were getting the full "Normal Life" experience. Just like Hermione, Ginny felt she wanted to explore the rest of the word and the people it held.

"Harry it isn't that I don't love you or that I don't want to be with you… I just want to explore the world and my options before I decide to stick with one person." Harry was confident that he'd taken it much better than Ron. He was simply going to pretend it wasn't happening and if necessary at any point during that process he would fight a dragon. That was, after all, how he'd handled pretty much every crisis he'd encountered since he was eleven. And anyway, he wasn't going to be thinking about Ginny once he arrived in America. He was sure that his future held many blonde, loose women who had lots of pillow fights and funny accents. He was using that to rationalize his decision. In truth it wasn't much of a decision, he and Ron had simply done what they always did, listened to Hermione. She'd shown up at their flat three weeks ago unannounced.

"What are you doing here Hermione?" Harry asked, turning to see Ron's reaction. This could trigger another bout of binge eating.

"Harry, Ron, sit down, there is something important we need to discuss." They followed orders, taking a seat on the couch. The look on her face told them she meant business (which came as no surprise, Hermione always meant business).

"We're going to America."

"What?"

"While I was with the YWPCA I met an American named Clary" Why did she blush when she said her name? "and she told me about a program at an American university where Wizards could go to university and take some muggle classes and take some Wizarding classes.

"Why?"

"Because I don't know what to do yet and I know neither of you do either. We missed our last year at Hogwarts so none of us are qualified for ministry or Hogwarts jobs. If we do this program we will be."

"That's ridiculous, we defeated Voldemort, I think they'll let us become aurors."

"Harry! You are no longer the chosen one, your life is no longer at risk, you can't continue to expect to receive special privileges! You need to work for something for once."

"Jesus Hermione, what's gotten into you?"

"Nothing, it's just, I really want to do this and I can't do it without my best friends and neither of you have anything else to do anyway so… it's settled, we're going" And they agreed...after several minutes of Harry explaining why becoming an auror was not asking for special privileges and still agreeing to go to America.

As soon as she'd beaten them down, Hermione graced them with the details. Soon they would be attending Marie Louveau University in New Orleans.

"It's a liberal arts college and it's very good. To be honest I'm not sure you two would have gotten in but the way our grades translate into the american muggle system is a little odd and gave all three of us the same grade point average." She was clearly miffed at this.

-3-

Welcome to Witch City

As they were exiting the plane Harry was hit with a rush of hot air. He thought it was a rush until he was standing outside waiting for a bus. 30 minutes later He and Ron were still melting out of their skins.

"I don't know why you two are being so dramatic, in Africa it was twice as bad as this, sometimes worse." Harry restrained Ron who was ready to strangle Hermione for a variety of reasons. It was night and they sat for an hour in the hot, muggy air. Hermione cast a spell around them to keep out mosquitoes but ironically their British magic did nothing to help with that American heat. Finally, they heard a noise and as if out of thin air a big, rusty, yellow school bus appeared down the road and slammed to a stop in front of them. On the side was written "Big Easy Night Bus, Here to Make Your Night Easier" the door shuddered open and Stan Shunpike jumped out.

Harry nearly fell over when he saw him. After several minutes of confusion the conclusion was reached that it was in fact, not Stan but his twin brother, Billy Bob Shunpike who had been raised in America. He spoke in a thick, twangy accent and there was a Confederate flag embroidered, like patches, on each sleeve of his jacket. Hermione glared at them while Harry and Ron wondered why she was being so cold to Billy Bob. On the drive he yelled over the the loud noises of the bus.

"Down hear the most important thangs tuh remember are the HISM and Swamp Sirens! Both of'm'll rip yur head off if they git the chance!"

"What's the HISM?" Ron looked really worried, Harry was trying to keep his own fear hidden. Hermione just looked at them all like they were idiots.

"It's a magical creature. It looks like a cross between an Alligator, a skunk-"

"And a fuckin' huge swamp rat!"

"Yes, and a giant Coypu"

"But why is it called HISM?"

"That's short for Honey Island Swamp Monster. But really Ron, there's no reason to look so afraid, we handled much worse just in our first few years at Hogwarts. Clary told me all about them."

"Who is Clary?"

"I told you Ron, she's the girl I met in the YWPCA. She's the whole reason we're here! She's meeting us once we get to campus." She was blushing again… "She's really nice… I think you'll like her a lot. She's a spell composition major and she's from California"

"She sounds like an idiot."

"Ron! She is not! You don't even know her and you had better be nice to her because… she's my girlfriend!"

GASP!

"What?!" Harry couldn't control himself anymore, he was angry but he was also confused, he'd heard of… gay people before but never at Hogwarts, he thought it was a muggle thing. "What do you mean your girlfriend? You mean you fancy girls now?"

"Well… I suppose I do! And don't take that tone about it, love just happens!"

"Love?!"

That was it, he didn't care if she fancied girls or gillyweed, all he knew was that all the women in his and Ron's life felt like they could walk all over them, just stomp all over their hearts and he wasn't taking it anymore.

"How dare you bring Ron and Me into this only to tell us that you have a new girlfriend after we get off the bloody airplane?!"

"Oh Harry, I'm sorry! I just couldn't tell you! I didn't even mean to do it now it just, slipped out."

"Billy Bob! Stop the bus! Ron and I are getting out! We'll go stay somewhere for the night so that Hermione and CLARY can have some ALONE TIME."

"Have it your way bud but just be careful… you're lucky we're right close to the French Quarter, that's where you'll want to go to cool down and loosen up. Just head down this street to Esplanade (He pointed to the left) and then walk down Esplanade to Bourbon, just follow the lights and music down Bourbon, y'all'll find what you need."

-4-

Bourbon Street

Harry dragged Ron out of the bus with him and before Hermione could protest or even process what was happening, the bus was gone. Harry steamed in the moonlight while Ron stared at him.

"What did you do that for?"

"What do you mean? She was disrespecting us! Bringing us all the way here to dump us for Clary. What the hell?"

" She didn't dump you, she dumped me."

"What? She was going to just leave you and I for a girl!"

"I mean I'm pretty upset that she's with someone else but you're being a bit homophobic, don't you think?"

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not a big deal mate, it's ok. If Hermione wants to be with a girl, it's ok."

Why was Ron being so reasonable all of a sudden? He'd been binge eating and crying at odd moments for the past two months! And now he wanted to be the sensitive, reasonable one?

"Lets just go before I forget the directions." Harry muttered to himself "Git" and "Being so noble." Harry stomped all the way to Bourbon street, several feet ahead of Ron. When they got to Bourbon street Harry almost kept stomping on past their turn.

"Harry."

"What?"

"Our turn mate."

"Oh, yeah."

"Listen I know you're mad and all but, let's just get a pint and not think about the women in our life." Harry struggled against Ron's uncharacteristically wise words. They stood in silence.

"Fine… let's go… get a pint." In truth, this idea of "getting a pint" and drinking your troubles away was new to them... wizards, save for the unruly ones like Hagrid, did not drink like muggles and rarely to drunkenness. Alas, they were not prepared for the evening ahead of them.


	2. Chapter 2

-5-

Black Magic Bar

They strolled down Bourbon street. No longer distracted by the Hermione-Clary-Lesbian predicament, he could take in the sights which was good because there was certainly a lot to take in. People swaying and dancing about, jazz music playing and people passed out on the ground. They picked their way through the crowds of spitting and squawking drunks. Eventually something caught Harry's eye. It was, well, it was the Leakey Cauldron in New Orleans. It was the Leakey Cauldron.

Naturally, it was not actually the Leakey Cauldron but it's American equivalent, Black Magic Bar. Once they got closer to it (seeing it, Harry had grabbed Ron and trampled a stream of people to get to it. He rushed through the doors and immediately realized it was not what he had thought. Inside was a kaleidoscope of colors and textures. Velvet, fur, mirrors, smoke and music. Tall, dark women in turbans drank steaming liquids out of tiny glasses and short, pasty men huddled in the corner in American 1940's get-ups. There was a jumping and twirling mass of bodies in the center of the room and jazz music swept him up and carried him to the dance floor. He and Ron began to boogey until they collapsed. They crawled to the bar and without even having to ask the were served tiny glasses of a green liquid. Without knowing what to do with them, they looked around. People were downing them in one gulp and so they did the same, 6 times. Fifteen minutes later they were across the room from each other laughing and scanning the crowd with blurry eyes. Somehow Harry ended up in the loo. The dirty mirrors and urinals swirled around him. He splashed water on his face and shook himself. Something was up but his mind was so fuzzy... he stepped into a bathroom stall and stuck a finger down his throat. A fountain of green liquid came up. After several minutes his head was a lot clearer and he realized he needed to find Ron. He exited the loo and ran into a pretty blond girl. "Sorry" He mumbled. She looked at him, stared into his eyes.

"Here have another." She pushed another vial of green liquid towards him.

"No thank you." She frowned and tried again "No thanks! I have to go." She glared at him.

"Oh but you can't go. You have to stay." Why were her eyes so green? She smiled and she had very sharp teeth. He reached for his wand but it wasn't there. Shit. She took a step towards him and he did something he'd never done before, he punched her. She swayed, hissed and then fell to the floor. Everyone in the room stopped talking and turned to look at him. He spotted Ron, he was passed out in a corner holding both of their wands, across the room from him. Shit shit shit shit shit. A hundred green eyes and sharp white teeth suddenly shone around him. They began to surround him with those odd smiles. Then, there was screeching of tires that could be heard from outside, over the music. The crowd continued to circle around him but their attention was diverted when the door to the club slammed open and shut. It was Hermione and who Harry could only assume was Clary. Their wands were out. The crowd shifted their attention back and forth between the girls and Harry. When they were focused on the ladies at the door, Harry seized his opportunity and sprinted towards Ron. He scooped up his wand and yelled "Evigilate!" (a wake up spell). Ron shot up like his toes had been shot at and looked around.

"Wus goin on?"

"No time to talk, everyone in here is trying to kill us."

"Usual Friday night then."

In an explosion of sound and color the demons lunged at them and the girls and they each shot stunning spells. Everything was green and red for a moment, like christmas. When the sparkles settled it was 40 down, 10 to go. More stunning spells and everything was quiet.

-6-

Meeting Clary

After a lot of confusion and reprimands, it was understood that Harry and Ron had been lured into a trap. The club was actually called Venus Fly Trap and it was where Demons (a magical species that had been exiled from Europe to America in the 1300s) went to drink and wait for dinner to walk in, thinking it was a wizard club. The Demons prey on a wizard's magic but to do so they have to take the whole wizard. So Harry and Ron all but walked straight into the monster's mouths. Had Harry not sobered up and Hermione not saved the day, Harry and Ron would have remained there in a drunken, fuzzy haze for several more days, marinating, before they were ripped apart and gobbled up.

"The Wizards Bureau of Protection should do something about places like that!" Hermione huffed. Clary laughed "They let a lot of things fly under the radar." Awkward silence… Harry studied Clary. She was a wide, smooth girl. She had long rose-blond hair. He'd really never seen anyone like her at Hogwarts. She turned and saw him looking at her, her eyes were the lightest and brightest green eyes he'd ever seen. He looked away, embarrassed at being caught staring. Ron was trudging along in a stupor but every time Hermione and Clary touched or got too close he flinched a bit. The girls were whispering to each other, thinking they ought to let Harry and Ron sleep. Harry felt very awkward, especially after his outburst. Would Hermione think Harry liked her? No, of course not, because it wasn't true... was it? No. He cut that thought off right there. Where were they going? It was almost daylight and they were walking down Bourbon street.

"Where are we going?"

"Wizard Student Housing!" Hermione sounded very excited "It's amazing it's-"

"Hermione" Clary interrupted "You can't, you've got to let them see it."

"Right, right, sorry." Harry was flabbergasted, she interrupted Hermione and she complied.

So Harry just kept walking, ready for anything. He looked at Ron who still appeared to be in a trance. "Is Ron going to be alright?" Clary answered "Oh yeah, he'll be fine, he just needs some hot sauce and some sleep."

"Hot sauce?"

"It's a sauce made with spicy peppers. It's a Louisiana staple and for some reason it helps purge your system of the cloudiness you get from bein' around the demons for so long. That's part of why it's so popular now, New Orleans was founded by witches. It's like eating chocolate after bein' attacked by those things y'all have in Europe... Dementors?"

"Clary and I have been teaching each other about American and British creatures."

"Cool..."

"We're getting close to the dorms. We have to go this way."

They had reached a square, fenced in by cast iron fencing. It was occupied by a huge statue of a man on a horse. They turned and walked along the square, entering at what appeared to be the front. The sun was rising and there was a low fog that made everything look softer, nothing like the sharp, cold fog that warned of dement ors. They walked past the statue and approached a magnificent white building which, to Harry's surprise, was labelled by a sign that read St. Louis Cathedral. "We're living in a church?" what could be more American than that? Clary laughed.

"No, silly." Hermione chastised with annoyance. Blegh, Harry wanted to barf, they were so... cute. Clary led them into the church and stopped to let them look around

"This is St. Louis Cathedral. It was built in 1793 and established as the official living quarters of Marie Laveu University in 1914. The college was started by Babette Laveau the same year. Jesus she sounded just like Hermione in Hogwarts. "So where do we sleep?"

"If you just follow me I'll show you the trick to getting into the dorms." She took three strides forward, right to the edge of the aisle. She took out a key and twisted it in the air like she was unlocking a door and around it, a grand door of meticulously carved wood appeared. She pushed it open and the rows of pews, which they had been surrounded by just a moment ago, were gone. Harry had gotten used to surprising things over the years but at this, he nearly fell over. Through the door they went into what was now the Cathedral walls but no pews, altars, candles or anything that was there before. "You'll each get your own keys after you've gone through freshman orientation." "Clary's a junior" What the bloody hell did that mean? "That means she's two years older and above us" Harry rolled his eyes. "So how can me and Ron get some sleep?" "I'll show you to your dorms, Hermione and I signed you in when we got here. That was of course before we realized where you were..." "If it hadn't been for Clary I would never have found you two, it was all thanks to her city smarts." "Well bully for her." "Harry!" "Sorry, sorry, I'm just tired, can we please get to the beds?" "Fine! Clary, I think I better take them, I need to rest up and clean off a bit too... I'll see you in a bit." When they thought Harry and Ron weren't looking they exchanged a quick kiss. Hermione gave Harry a dirty look and marched off. She led them to the back of the Cathedral and turned to the left corner. There, she led them up a staircase that was lit with windows of all colors, yellow, purple, blue, red, green and on and on it went, colors Harry couldn't even identify. At the top of the staircase they walked down a narrow hall. It seemed like they'd passed at least a hundred doors when, finally, they stopped. Room 9 3/4. "What's this?" "When I found out they had it, I requested it especially for you." She was frowning. "Thanks Hermione" "Yes, whatever. Go get some sleep, clean up. Oh! I almost forgot!" She pulled two boxes out of her bag and handed them to Harry. "What's this?" God he sounded like a broken record "Mobile phones! You've got to have one in America" He'd certainly seen them and heard of them but he'd never thought of owning one... "Alright, stay here, only leave to clean up in the bathroom, I'll come and get you around noon." They said their goodbyes, Ron was still too out of it to know what was going on. Harry pulled him into their room and without even taking stock of their new home, they each passed out on their respective beds.

-7-

Madame Laveu

Harry felt something shake him but he ignored it. Again. Still, he ignored it. He was so tired. It happened a third time and this time he had to open his eyes, just for a second to see what it was. Hermione was looking down at him with her bright brown eyes. "Harry! Wake up! You were supposed to get up on your own!" He suddenly remembered where he was. He sat up and looked around. He was finally noticing his new room. It was all white paint and brown wood. His bed was gray and white. Hot, noontime sunlight was streaming in through the window but the room felt pleasantly cool. Ron was still asleep. Harry sat and and rubbed his eyes.

"We've got to help Ron. Did you bring any of that stuff she was talking about?"

"Oh, yes. Here" She handed him a small glass bottle with a red and green label.

"Ron!" He didn't budge. Harry slapped him. Nothing. Finally Harry took the thick, red liquid and let it dribble onto his cheeck and dribble into his mouth. He began to stir. Suddenly, he shot wide open and he sat up. He smacked his lips and yelled out.

"Hot!"

"What's wrong?"

"HOT!"

"What?"

"Water!"

"Oh he needs water! Aguamenti!" She shot water from her wand into his mouth and all over his face. They are stood in silence for a moment.

"What the bloody hell did you do that for?" They began recounting what had occurred in the last 24 hours ending with the need for hot sauce when dealing with demon-induced fogginess. He was crabby about it but he perked up when Hermione said lunch.

"But, before we go anywhere you two have go to clean up and change clothes. When you leave your room you'll turn left to get to the bathroom. I'll be back in an hour and then we'll get some lunch."

Hermione left them.

"You ready mate?" Ron nudged Harry.

"For what?" "It's gonna be like the first day of Hogwarts again, you're still the boy who lived. You're the boy who lived three times and defeat Voldemort. You're the chosen one again, nobody here knows you so they're all gonna be freaking out when they see you." Shit, Ron was right. Whatever, he couldn't think about that just now. They sidled off the the bathrooms. Some lovely blondes were walking out when Ron and Harry approached. "Excuse me" They turned to him "Where's the men's bathrooms?" They giggled "There aren't any, it's co-ed" "Come again?" Ron sounded like an idiot, god. "Boy and girls together" Oh boy "Alright, thanks" Ron and Harry turned to look at each other, grinning like fools. They quickly learned the downside to this as they entered the bathrooms. They found themselves surrounded by tall, muscular men, Cedric Diggory, Dean Thomas types. They both struggled to retain some modesty as they struggled out of their considerably unfashionable clothes. And, no baths, only showers. Everything was new here. Harry was in and out of the shower in 10 minutes (Ron took suspiciously long showers) and he called to Ron that he was heading back to the dormitory without him. He snuck down the hallway, not wanting anyone to see his towel turban. When he closed the door and turned around he was face to face with a woman. She was wearing a real turban and long, deep purple robes.

"Er... who are you?"

"I, am Marie Laveu."

Harry was confused for a moment. Marie Laveu University…

"Marie Laveau University?"

"Yes I am the school's namesake" She had an odd accent almost french but with a drall.

"I am also the headmistress. I thought I would come and greet you."

"Oh, well, thank you. Er… Miss-"

"Madame"

"Madame Laveu. If you don't mind my asking, do you greet all your students this way?" She chuckled throatily. "No… but… you are not all students Mr. Potter. You are _the chosen one_."

"So… is there something you need or you just wanted to drop in and say hi?" She narrowed her eyes. "No, that's all. Just welcoming a student I believe has a bright future here at my University."

"Thank you."

"I suppose I ought to leave you to get ready for orientation."

"I suppose."

"Well, good luck. I'm sure we'll meet again soon." and with that she left the room. Harry sat on his bed. She'd given him a very odd feeling. He was starting to get a headache. He shook himself. Ron came in and Harry thought about telling him the whole story, but for some reason he decided not to. He and Ron got dressed while discussing the events of the past 24 hours and their hopes of greater success with American women.

"If Hermione can get American girls so can we!" They laughed and stepped out into the hallway all but running into Hermione.

"Let's go, we only have an hour to get something to eat."

"Why?"

"We have orientation in an hour and a half!"

"Orientation?"

"It's where we meet the rest of our class."

"Perfect!" Harry and Ron winked at each other.

-8-

Orientation

Harry and Ron gorged themselves on the local food and were a bit sick when they arrived at campus. It was their first time on campus. It was very different than Hogwarts. Instead of a castle it was lots of smaller buildings and a lot more people. Everyone was in muggle clothes and there were coffee shops and small stores on campus as well. This was not Hogwarts at all. Clary led them to a big lawn. Harry couldn't believe the sight, at least 2,000 people stood around chatting in small groups or yelling across large ones. Hermione turned to Ron and Harry "I'm gonna head that way" (she pointed towards a group of girls wearing glasses and carrying heavy books) "You two ought to move about and meet people." And with that she took Clary's hand and lead her to the crowd of girls. Harry and Ron looked at each other in shock. Harry wondered if all those years, what really kept Hermione around, was her sexual tension with Ron? Dammit, why did they have to date and ruin everything?! Whatever. Harry was turning a new leaf this year, he and Ron were going to make new friends and date new women and it was going to be great! "Let's go Ron, we've got people to meet" " And babes to shag." Ron sang.

They spent their first 15 minutes getting up the courage to penetrate this crowd of strangers but eventually they edged their way into the mess of people.

As soon as they entered the crowd they were overwhelmed. They began to just walk through, looking at all the people. Then, he saw him. It couldn't be! Oh but it could… you see Harry, Ron and Hermione were not the only ones who had skipped that last year at Hogwarts. Lo and behold, Harry was looking into the eyes of someone he would have never expected to see in America…


End file.
